Our 10 Year Anniversary!

So last weekend was Ryan and My 10 year anniversary. Not ten years married but ten years together:) I would love to report that we took a week off or at least a weekend off to go spend this momentous time together, but alas I am unable to say that. Financial and work constraints prevented the kind of celebration that I have been looking forward to for the last two years. Those stinkin' medical bills. Sigh. Oh well if given the choice of providing my daughter with a necessary surgery or going on vacation again, there still wouldn't be an option, Caitlin comes first. Always. Our friend Megan, who gets credit for introducing us, kindly pointed out that we're notorious for not celebrating on time anyway. And she's right- at our 1 year together anniversary we both forgot about it until a week later. I was really hoping to do something fun this year, and we did have a good day, just, as Caitie pointed out, not a very romantic one. We went to the Tillamook Cheese Factory with Caitlin, Chandra and Lucas, then Ryan and I went to the Air Museum in Tillamook and then took a really dusty gravelly road home and now my car needs to be washed. When we got home, actually back to Chani and Mark's house because Caitlin didn't want to ride in the car with us, Ryan got a call from our friend Phill asking if he could please spend the night with us. Phill and his wife had a bit of a loud dispute and they both felt it would be better for him to cool his heels somewhere away from home for the night. I really really wanted to say NO!! It's my Anniversary!!! but that wouldn't have been a good Christian response and it wasn't like we were gonna have privacy that night anyway. So we said fine but leave your fight at the door we don't want to hear any bickering. Maybe when I finish paying off Caitlin's surgery bill we'll leave her with Grammie for a week and go to Hawaii. In the mean time I will be happy with the fun times we have on day trips and love the life that I'm livin'. I definitely wouldn't have postponed Caitlin's surgery just so that I could afford to go on a vacation and whatever else life throws my way I'll handle and just be happy that I have a job, a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter and a loving extended family. The rest will come with time. And maybe some careful planning;)

More to come soon...

I feel the need to post something to let you know that I am still here. I keep intending to download all the photos from Easter and our trip to the beach-I just have to find the usb cable first. The past couple of weeks have been a lot of fun for our family. We went to Silver Falls the day before Easter and Caitlin walked under the South Falls twice, then had breakfast with Chani and Mark Easter morning, and had an early dinner/late lunch the Ryan's side of our family. The Easter bunny decided not to bring Caitlin a new bicycle, instead allowing her parents the credit for the gift which turned out to be a better decision because she was able to choose the pink and purple Barbie bike and the Easter bunny maybe wouldn't have picked such a beautiful one. She's much stronger on her bike this year has ridden everyday since she got it a week ago. Last Monday was a really big day for us- we went to see Hannah Montana in the movie theater, then we went to the doctor for a prescription for the ear infection that won't go away, then we bought a new bike, then she came down with the stomach flu. I jokingly blame the upset stomach on the movie, but Caitlin really really loved the movie so clearly it would not be the reason she was fine before going into the theater and sick as ever coming out of it. Luckily the flu was short lived and we went back to the beach this past weekend as for a fun visit with my friend Becky! We had a lovely time visiting and catching up, had our nails painted, went to an art show/auction to support a local private non-profit school, and then went swimming and watched Bedtime Stories. Sunday brought more nice weather and more bicycle riding and a visit with a home bound pregnant friend. Whew, I am exhausted just thinking about all that we did. Hopefully the nice weather we've been experiencing sticks around and we can go out and do more! On a rather sad note this morning I accidentally spilled my bowl of cereal all over Caitlin's favorite dress that she had nicely laid out to take to school for picture day. She was rather heartbroken but graciously picked out something else to wear. I pretty much feel like a heel. They're doing re-takes tomorrow so if I can manage I will have her dress cleaned and ready for the retakes and maybe regain a little credibility as a mother. Wish me luck!

It's almost EASTER!!:)

I am getting super excited for Easter. I am pretty sure that the Easter Bunny is going to bring Caitlin a new bicycle instead of a traditional Easter Basket. Last year she received a wagon and some hair ties, and before that she was pretty much too young to get the concept so I think she just had a couple of small baskets with candy. While we were visiting the coast this past weekend she had an opportunity to ride her cousin Amelia's bike and she loved it. We gave cousin Gabby her princess bike last year because a) she didn't really like riding it, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stop and b) she was starting to out grow it. Amelia's bike is a 16 inch instead of the 12 inch that she used to have and it fits much better. Her sense of coordination has developed considerably in the last year as well so she feels more stable and in control now. I know she will have a great summer riding bikes, and playing in the park. Yeah for spring and Easter:)

Pleasant Plans

Spring is in the air, I have plans for a couple of girls weekends, and Caitlin was giving the all clear from the surgeon yesterday, so life is looking good again. Caitlin was in so much pain following her surgery and she kept losing weight and refusing to eat that I was starting to get really worried. That has all changed now because we started giving her pro-biotic and she got over what was apparently a very bad case of the stomach flu. Unfortunately she came down with the stomach bug right around the time that she should have been showing signs of recovery from the surgery and it set her back a week or so. Happily I can report that she is sassy as ever and eating again so maybe by the end of the week we won't be able to see every bone in her body. It's nice to be back to an ish-normal routine and to have plans with friends. The weekend following Easter I get to see my friend Becky again for the first time in about 8 years! I am SO excited about that. It's a sad state of our culture that she only lives about 3-4 hours away from me but I haven't actually seen her since she got married. I need to make more time to visit (in person) the people that are important to me. Facebook and blogging are great ways to keep up with the day to day happenings in everyone's lives but they just can't replace a hug and a smile. They miss out on the inflection in our voices and they can't demonstrate the feeling we share with those who matter. So I'm super duper deluxe excited to see her again. Then a few weeks after that I'm going to a "scrap-a-thon" with my darling Shannon. I love the idea of scrap-booking, but the reality of it doesn't happen very often. So on the first weekend in May we're escaping to the beach to lock ourselves in a room with pictures, paper, cutters, and pens. We'll eat junk food, listen to fun music, gossip, giggle and have a grand time. I can hardly wait. It's so nice to have something positive to look forward to again.

Time to start movin' on

Gosh it feels like forever since I've posted anything! I believe an update of some sort is due. I would love to report lots of interesting and exciting information about our lives but really, not a lot has happened. Caitlin came home from the hospital, Ryan and I both stayed home for that first week and then the second week just Ryan stayed home. They fought like crazy until Caitlin realized that Daddy isn't the pushover that Mommy is and switched to other more effective manipulation tactics. She's quite adaptable. This week she returned to school and everyone there is really happy to have her back. She is of course just as happy to be back because she hasn't seen any of those friends in a month. The only other news is that I have given myself roughly a month more to feel sorry for myself after the loss of our baby and then its time to grow up, realize that eating chocolate pudding and ice cream is just making me fat and not gonna bring the baby back. I proceeded to stuff myself today- livin' it up choco style- and now my stomach hurts. I should probably just let go and stop eating crap now, but I gave myself 1 year to grieve and by golly I'm gonna take the full year. I don't have anything else to say, which may be a first for me. Sigh... I need a life.

A picture is worth 1000 words...

I have a more than a thousand words to share about the last few days of our lives, but I thought it would be faster to just post some pictures.

At home, getting ready to go, showing off her new "tattoo".

Pre-Op waiting area, feeling pretty good with a dissociative drug taking effect. And with the TV in her lap!After the surgery not quite awake, feeling pretty sore :( Do NOT even think about covering her feet, way too hot! FIVE incision spots!!

Awake and ready to walk, good thing Daddy is there to lend a hand.

Found the play room, time to get to work with Grandma Cathy!

I can do it myself, morphine and Motrin really stop the pain.

Happy to have a visitor her own age!, Yeah for Alexandria! And thankful that Father Tony and Gloria stopped by earlier with a new book. Taking Lucas to the play room. Slow down little dude! I just had stomach surgery, it hurts to walk! Riding back to the room on Grandpa's lap because there is NO WAY you're forcing me to sit in a wheel chair by myself! Even if I did over do it with the walking today and am now in too much pain to move myself back to my room. Shortly after this last picture was taken all her visitors went home and she confided in us that she wanted to go home because she doesn't like "doctor's food" and she wanted "home food". We granted her wish the next day after she choked down a little bit of the doctor's food lunch. Once we got home though she was sad to find that home food wasn't really that much better than doctors food because for the next two weeks she's on a puree diet. Let's pray that the next two weeks pass quickly!

Update on Caitlin

Well its 1.15pm and Caitlin is awake and entertaining Grandma Cathy with a volumetric exerciser. Essentially its a tube that you breathe through to measure the depth of your breaths. She woke up at 4 in the morning crying with pain which just made me feel horrid for her, until she explained that she had to go potty, hence the pain. After going potty she felt much better and went straight back to sleep. Until the doctors came for rounds at 5.50am. She tried to sleep through their visit, but doctors are quite insistent that you answer their questions. The rest of the day has been spent drinking juice and eating jello, interrupted by a couple more trips to the potty and one VERY painful attempt at standing. That was the worst part of the day so far. She got out of bed and stood next to the bed crying and coughing for about 3 minutes until I took pity on her and said that she didn't have to try to walk until later today. Her most recent dose of morphine is taking effect so we're going to give it a couple more minutes before another attempt at walking. We're actually quite pleased with her progress today, as long as we stay on top of the pain she's in a good mood.

Surgery is Done

The surgery was a success. Ish. I think. What defines a successful surgery? I suppose the true determination will be when she's back to a normal diet and she doesn't have any more issues with reflux. For now however we'll judge it a success. It was apparently "text-book" so hooray for good doctors. Caitlin was and is a trooper and is currently resting pain free thanks to the morphine she's been dosed with. She's not particularly happy, but at least she's not in pain. She's sleeping off and on and at one point she woke up hungry. Unfortunately she's not permitted anything to eat until tomorrow. I believe that I am in for a sleepless night though because each time she wakes up she wants me to sit next to her and hold her hand... Which is fine but a hard plastic chair isn't conducive to sleeping. Oh well she's the one with a smile on her abdomen in the form of five incision points. I guess I can suck it up for a few sleepless nights. I have taken a couple of pictures that I will upload after I go home and get the USB cable. While right now Caitlin is (probably) mentally cursing us all, in the long run this should eliminate so many problems! And if I keep telling myself that over and over maybe I won't feel so guilty when she whimpers and grimaces because her tummy hurts.Thanks to everyone for all your love, support, and prayers!

This is how I feel

Poor Caitlin was so sick last week, then she shared her germs with me. She's such a sweetheart. She looks in this picture about how I feel right now. Last night I woke up at 2:30am with a high fever and chills. Even under 4 blankets I was still shivering. Why do these things always attack at night? I woke up because I started shaking with my fever. Was it really necessary for my body to wake me up for that?!

High Fevers and Sad Days

Well surgery may have to be postponed. Caitlin came down with a ridiculously high fever one week ago today, only hours before our flight to Ohio was scheduled to depart. We flew out anyway because we needed to be with family as we all struggled with the loss of my young cousin. While it was wonderful to see the rest of the cousins and aunts and uncles I wish we could have met under all around better circumstances. This was the first time most of my family met Caitlin and she was pretty much as antisocial as is possible, due largely in part to the fact the she has the flu. In fact last Saturday she didn't really wake up at all, trapping both of us in the hotel room until nearly 8pm... When she finally did wake up-at 7:30pm! she looked around the room and said, "is it morning yet?" Well actually cutie pie morning has come and gone. Caitlin fell in love with my beautiful girl cousins and looked at my cousin Adam and decided his gender was going to be held against him so he was only worthy of a wave. Hopefully the next time we see each other Caitlin will be more responsive to the entire family, regardless of gender. After returning home we were back in to visit her pediatrician because her fever still wasn't broken by Monday afternoon. In fact it didn't break until yesterday. We're holding out hope that all residual symptoms will disappear by tomorrow at the latest because if they don't we're going to have to reschedule the surgery. At this point she has a little bit of a stuffy nose and an occasional cough-when un-medicated- so lets all cross our fingers that she gets completely better by the end of the day! I don't really have other news right now because for the past week my life has been unpleasant. First with a memorial service that we shouldn't have had to have and then with the sequestering of a super sick kiddo. I was actually very relieved to go to work on Tuesday and then again today (Ryan and I are taking turns with the staying home part) simply because whiny 5 year old gets obnoxious after a week and I took more than my fair share of sick kid duty while we were back East. I hope that life is bringing happy memories to the rest of you !

Surgery is Scheduled

Caitlin will have surgery on March 9th at an as of yet undisclosed time. We'll find out the specific time to arrive at the hospital the night before. This surgery, a Nissen Fundoplication, comes as a result of a recent laryngospasm caused by the GERD that she's had probably since birth. We've been treating it, apparently unsuccessfully, with prescription antiacids for a little over a year now, but the time has come to be more aggressive in our treatment. Middle of the night trips to the ER because she's not breathing (laryngospasm at work) scare the heck out of all of us and are painful for her. Her gastroenterologist is the Division Chief for Pediatric Gastroenterology at OHSU, so we feel fairly confident in his assessment of the necessary course of action. I am happy to have an end in sight, and to have time to get used to the idea that she's having surgery and a multiday hospital stay. I am also grateful that it's far enough into the future that it won't prevent us from spending time grieving with my family for our recent loss. It is too painful to think about, and I have spent many hours with feelings of guilt that I maybe wouldn't be able to go and help support the rest of the family because my own child was in need of acute medical care. So while the surgery is necessary and that frightens me, I am going to be grateful for what I can.

Please Pray

I would like to take everyone to take a few moments to say a prayer for the families of the victims of Thursday's plane crash in Buffalo, NY. These tragedies seem so surreal sometimes, especially when we live so far away. Though the media lists statistics and the numbers of victims, it doesn't actually give us a clear sense of the fact that these victims are real people, people with names and families who are left behind to grieve and mourn their loss. People with mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles and cousins, and friends. I believe in the power of prayer and right now families of 49 people need our prayers. So please please take a moment to pray for families of the all the people whose lives were cut too short.

Fun with Hair Gel

While we were making our Valentines day cards the other day, Chandra kept playing "Little Luke's" hair and suddenly asked if I had hair gel. This was the result.

I am so blessed

Caitie, Lucas and I just got back from the park where we played a rousing game of soccer and then had races down the slide. Now the kids are eating a "healthy" lunch of nuggets and apple slices with chocolate milk before going down for nap. Sometimes, ok most of the time, I wish that I had two kids of my own, but on days like today when Caitie and her "brother-cousin" play together I feel like life is good. I was reading a friend of a friends blog and she announced that she was pregnant with her second. Words fail her to describe her feelings on the matter, I am sure because she is so delighted. I am so delighted for her. It has taken months of therapy for me to get to this point, where my initial reaction is not one of bitterness and jealousy, but instead of happiness for someone else's blessings. I am happy today, the sun probably helps, but I am so happy to be able to enjoy having one beautiful little girl and one "brother-cousin" who play and fight like true siblings. (The fact that he just let me cuddle and rock him to sleep on my shoulder doesn't hurt either.) Here are some pictures of Caitlin and Lucas during our soccer game today. I tried to get her to put on more soccer appropriate clothing, but ultimately she is a girly-girl so a dress was the clothing of choice for today.

Parent of the Year!

I am voting our friend Phill to be the parent of the year this year because he FORGOT his kid! He dropped her off at our house this morning for a special day with Caitie and Daddy Ryan. He remembered, with the help of many reminders, to drop off the car seat, but didn't remember to come back by after work to pick her up. He drove home at the end of the day, business as usual and when he walked in the door his wife was looking around for Faith.... and he realized his mistake. "Ahh Sh*t!" So now both parents are here to take her home, although I'm not sure that I'm gonna let her go...What if he leaves her at a bus stop tomorrow?! His excuse is that he helped clean the house yesterday so since his head is already full of fishing and hunting stuff, if you add any more "crap"-like house cleaning responsibilities- he's bound to forget something! Lucky for everyone Faith wasn't even close to traumatized. In fact she was hoping that she would get a sleepover out of the deal. Seriously though who forgets their kid?!!

Caitlin's New Blog

Well the other day Caitie was looking at my blog and asked if she could change it. I declined the request and so she asked if she could create her own blog. If I haven't already invited you to view it please send me your email address so that I can send an invitation. For privacy reasons we have set the blog so that it can only be viewed by invited users. She's such a funny little thing. She LOVES "logging" and creating the yahoo avatar provided hours of entertainment. Now she wants to make a new avatar every day. The one that is on her blog is how she sees herself. Considering that this avatar is wearing next to nothing and is quite curvaceous it makes me a little concerned for how she will be as a teenager. On the other hand I am happy that she has such a positive self image. I am happy however to be able to share this 'logging' thing with her and it's wonderful to hear how she views her world. The first thing that she wanted to say tonight was "thank you" to everyone who had already viewed and commented on her blog. I am very impressed by her manners because I didn't suggest it yet it was the first thing she thought of when I asked her what she wanted to blog.

Good Game

The game was so well played, especially in the last quarter that I don't even mind that my team lost. The final touchdown by number 10 on the Steelers side was such a good play that you almost have to be happy for them. Granted I don't have anything to gain by one team or the other winning, so I am able to just enjoy the game for what it is. Phil just said that he has to stay at our house until his mother in law goes to bed because they were rooting for opposite teams and she's gonna gloat. Ha Ha! Yeah for a well played game.

SUPER BOWL!!!

So the super bowl is just starting and I have picked the Cardinals as the team I want to win. They have the better uniforms- I think that the Steelers look a little like bumble bees. Ryan and Phil agree with my assessment although for a different reason. Paul is the odd man out right now going for the bumble bees. GO Cardinals:)

25 Random Things- twice over

I was tagged on Facebook to create a list of "25 Random Things" about myself. I thought long and hard about them and this is the list I created. While I was working on this list, and apparently taking too long, Ryan said that he could do it in about 5 seconds. So I challenged him to try it without looking at my incomplete list. I was surprised when he did in fact create a list of 25 very accurate facts about my personality in about 10minutes. So I am posting both lists.

25 random things about me.
1. I am allergic to bananas, this was discovered while doing allergy testing as a teenager. I didn't eat any for over a year until I decided that a stomach ache was worth the delicious flavor.

2. I love the smell of Pine-sol and use it nearly every day to clean my bathrooms.

3. Falling in love is one of my most favorite past times. I love to fall in love with my husband, daughter, books, movies, friends, life. I just love to be in love.

4. I don't have a truly favorite food because whatever food I am eating tends to be my "favorite". So much depends on my mood at the moment, I am a "texture" person when it comes to food.

5. I would rather read a book than watch TV and I will re-read books frequently, especially if they are in a series. I love the character development that comes from a series.

6. I did not like reading at all until I was a teenager, in fact I thought my mother was torturing me when she made me read books and then give her an accurate book report.

7. I have 7 sisters-2 biological sisters, 2 sisters-in-law and 3 sisters of my heart who will always be welcome in my home and may call me any time of day or night. Even if I don't always answer;)

8. I believe loyalty is the most important quality in a best friend... "A friend will help you move, but a best friend will help you move a body"

9. I have never kept a journal until I discovered blogging. I love to blog.

10. I love to eat, but I don't like to cook. So I ordered pre-planned weekly menu's (with shopping lists included) from savingdinner.com which was created by a registered dietitian.

11. Swinging on the swing set has been the activity that I love the most on the playground since I can remember. I especially like the tire swings.

12. Roller coasters are the best part of any theme park, I especially like the ones that go upside-down and make your tummy feel like its landing in your feet.

13. After having a child I started crying at the most random things and now I can't stop. Its a curse that I will endure because my daughter is the best gift I have ever been blessed with.

14. I took swing dancing lessons in college as a PE class and have wanted to join a swing dancing club ever since. Unfortunately for me, my husband doesn't even come close to sharing my passion for dancing. Also when allowed to dance "free-style" I look like a frog in a blender.

15. I really like New England clam chowder with a plain bagel with cream cheese. Fattening and delicious. That meal would ideally be followed with a chocolate- peanut butter or chocolate-caramel milkshake.

16. My guilty secret is that I like to watch pro-football. It may have to do with the fact that I understand the rules of the game. I don't have a favorite team, I just choose based on the best looking uniforms, unless it's a high school game in which case I of course root for the home team.

17. Science fascinates me, especially marine biology. I don't really like the beach, it's too cold, but I am fascinated with marine life. When Caitlin goes off to elementary school I would like to pursue a Masters in Education so that I can share my passion for science with a new generation.

18. I adore music. I like nearly all music as long as I can understand the words or it at least has a good beat. Before I met Ryan, I only listened to country on the radio and Grateful Dead, Moody Blues, Billy Joel and Enya on CD. Now I enjoy all music and like to have background music all the time.

19. I would LOVE to have a tattoo, but 1) Ryan doesn't like them and 2)More importantly-I don't like pain and I think that they're very painful. and 3) I am not sure exactly what I would have tattooed permanently on my body.

20. I have had my belly button pierced and ears pierced but let both close. I would like to have my ears pierced again, but that would require wearing more jewelry than just my wedding ring. I like to look at jewelry but it seems like a lot of work to coordinate it with my clothing.

21. I love the idea of being "high maintenance" but the reality is that I am the one who would have to get up early to fuss with my hair and clothes and it's sooo not worth it. I would like someone else to fuss over me while I continue to sleep. Plus it's really expensive to be high maintenance and I'm cheap.

22. I love to be "environmentally conscious" and force my family (Ryan) to recycle as much as possible. Caitlin doesn't have to be forced-I just tell her that we're doing it help save the Polar Bears. I like to read the The Green Book: The Everyday Guide to Saving the Planet One Simple Step at a Time for new ideas on how to live "green".

23. I have a wonderful large family just like I've always wanted. When I was a little girl I decided that I would have 6 kids so that I could have a large, loud, happy family. I have only one child, but I have still been blessed with a large, loud, happy family. 18 members of my extended family live within only 30 minutes of me.

24. I love animals of all kinds but especially dogs, cats and horses. We had a dog for seven years until she died of cancer, and I still have a cat but have yet to own a horse. Again with the high amount of maintenance and expense issue. I want to get another dog, but I feel guilty because Ryan and I both work all day and can't take a puppy to work with us the way I did with Casey when she was a puppy.

25. I like to compile lists of sayings and quotes that mean something to me. I found this one on goodreads.com and thought that it summed up nicely exactly what I had been trying to do for many years- make my own bible. "Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet."— Ralph Waldo Emerson


Ryan's list of 25 random things about Sarah
1. I want to buy a house.
2. I stress over everything including losing sleep.
3. I love to read, romance novels especially.
4. I love to talk on the phone to friends and family. Even to my husband who doesn't like talking on the phone.
5. I lose everything.
6. I never spend money on my self.
7. I absolutely love my daughter.
8. I want my husband to take Caitie on over-night trips but I secretly hate it.
9. I get jealous when Caitie wants her dad more than me. I am happy about it , but jealous.
10. I have found that I like turkey and chicken yet I feel guilty about it.
11. I HATE to cook.
12. I love hanging out with family, but not all together -too much drama.
13. I love to talk and tell stories.
14. I always have to worry about something.
15. I want to learn to dance.
16. I want to explore the world, even though Ryan doesn't. I'm jealous that he has been a lot of places.
17. I want a new job, to be a teacher.
18. I want to give Ryan everything he wants which is why I let him buy things even though it drives me crazy that he spends so much money.
19. I love and hate that everyone calls me to complain.
20. I love the fact that I am getting older. I embrace age. Unlike Ryan who runs from it.
21. I enjoy going for walks with the family when its warm. I hate going when its cold.
22. I love snow, when I'm not in it. But I am scared to drive in it. (Don't tell Ryan) I want to feel confidant at it.
23. I enjoy spending time by myself as much as I hate it.
24. I love riding horses and would love to take lessons.
25. I love hanging out with my husband. I even go fishing with him even though I despise fishing.

Sleep Beautiful Sleep.

Sleeping is such an underrated activity. It's rejuvenating, relaxing, and passes unwanted time quite nicely. This is all being said because I fell asleep last night at 7.20pm. I didn't wake up again until 6.20 this morning. Ryan and Caitlin on the other hand had a very hot and restless night. Since staying up with Caitlin when she has a fever has always been my job, I don't feel that bad for Ryan, it's about time he had a turn taking care of a sick kid. I do however feel sorry for Caitlin because apparently her fever lasted all night and at one point she thought she might need to throw up. It's miserable to be sick. They're coming home today hopefully leaving all germs behind them. I don't have a lot else to say, exhaustion took its toll and I didn't even need the assistance of cold medicine to go to sleep and stay that way. That cat was smart enough to not yowl all night or if she did I was tired enough to not hear her. Life is good again.